Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
