i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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