I got chris browned last night
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
