YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
