Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
