Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The air was thick with penises
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
