Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
