I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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