This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
