um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
