I can tuck mytits in my pants
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
