I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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