I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
