New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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