Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize