I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
