Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
