My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
