I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
