You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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