Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
