I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
