I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
