I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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