this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
