No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
