I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
