My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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