I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
