everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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