I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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