you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
