He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
