You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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