worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
