I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
