Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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