Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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