I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
