do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
