Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
