you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
