Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
