dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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