sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Randomize
