You're so nebulous sometimes
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
