You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
