Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
