i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I cannot find my penis.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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