Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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