Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
