If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
