News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Ladies don't puke and tell
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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