I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
