This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
