69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
