What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
