I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
