Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
