it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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