Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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