so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Be still, my beating vagina.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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