Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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