Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
