I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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