i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The power of my boobs compel you
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