im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You are a genius and a whore.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
