Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize