How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
this will be a night to untag.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
