My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize