I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
