Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
