My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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