We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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