I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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