Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
